It’s been a year since I last posted here on the blog, and while this is a hobby blog now, that is a long time. Some of you might know I was putting more time and energy into my crochet blog, Pretty In Crochet, and but that’s not the only reason I haven’t been present on this blog.
The truth is, I have changed. So much happened to me in the past decade, and while many of the things that did happen were blessings, there was a lot of anxiety and stress in my life as well. I did a lot of searching and inner work and learning and that was what led me to start this blog, Tidbits of Care. I wanted to share that journey and what I had learned and really let others know how important taking care of yourself is because I hadn’t always taken care of myself. The truth was, I had tended to put myself last, or close to last and was a people pleaser, which led to people taking advantage of me and using me. And that was why self care became so important to me. I had to learn to set boundaries and be assertive and to put myself first.
And all of that was necessary I think, to get to where I am today. If I hadn’t done that work, and made hard choices and suffered, I don’t think I would have met my husband and I don’t think I’d be a mother. And from the time I was a little girl I always wanted to be a mother, to have my own family. So I am very glad that the journey has been what it was. But motherhood has been difficult in a lot of ways. My son was a very content baby so the postpartum experience was not as rough as that others, but the older my son got, the more of my life I had to give up. I had to do more for my family–more child caring, more cooking, more cleaning, and had less time to do the things I had always done that I loved–reading, blogging, crocheting. There were days I felt like an absolute drudge and even described myself as a slave to my husband during arguments. I resented it a lot.
Becoming a Homemaker
Until I started to change the way I thought about those chores. I think I was watching a homemaking video–something like homemaking/housecleaning hacks or something and the YouTuber was a Christian, and I like her ideas about housecleaning. And so I watched a few of her videos and something she said resonated with me. It was something like, “what if we stop looking at all the homemaking tasks as drudgery and start looking at them as acts of love we are performing for our families.”
Now, family has always been extremely important to me. I grew up in an immigrant family that was very close knit, we celebrated every Christmas and Easter with each other, had large family gatherings just because, went on staycations together etc. There was nothing growing up that my parents would not have done for my brother and I, and the help and support they continue to provide is a true blessing. So this idea, that all the cleaning and washing and cooking that I was doing that felt so repetitive, that I felt no one appreciated or noticed, that it was an act of love I was doing for my family so that their home could be a place of comfort and rest really registered with me because that is what home and family is supposed to be, a place of comfort and rest.
Once I started thinking about my household tasks in this way, things began to slowly change for me. Blog work was less important, homemaking was more important. I hadn’t wanted my life to change when I became a mother–I wanted to continue to enjoy my hobbies like reading and crocheting. But I hadn’t realized how living with my husband and child would require me to do so much more to make our home a home. The home I had had when it was just me, a single woman in her thirties, or the home I had with my husband before we became parents, was far easier to maintain than the home I have now as a mother. Adding a child or children to the mix is a game changer and you can’t really know how big of game changer it is until your game is changed. I have to put home making at the top of my priority list.
That’s not to say I’m at stay at home homemaker, though I wish I was. I am still teaching part time, and once September hits, I’ll be teaching the full five days a week again. But my focus is on our home and family. Is my home always perfect? No. Do I make sourdough bread or have chickens? No. I don’t really want chickens even if farm fresh eggs does sound good. Is my home styled and decorated according to the latest trends and colour palettes? Definitely not. But keeping my house and household in order is far more important to me now than I ever thought it would be, or ever was. I always liked a clean house, but I never liked the work that went into it, and now that work is tripled. But I don’t mind because it’s work I do for my family.
Do I Still Practice Self Care?
I used to really focus on this topic on this blog. And it is important to practice self care. It’s not good to go and go and push yourself to the max and be exhausted and work yourself to the bone till you burn out or get really sick. We all need periods of rest and recharge. So, yes, of course I still practice self care. I do take some time out to take a hot bath or go get a massage, or read a book at night. My husband and I have date nights. I still do a lot of crocheting. I always said that being a busy mom was no excuse to not practice self care. We all need time to decompress and practice some mindfulness or just read a good book or watch a favourite movie.
Oddly, sometimes cleaning has become a form of self care. Getting my kitchen in order gives me a sense of accomplishment and relief. Even getting my bed made makes me feel soothed now. Homemaking is hard work and while I’m certainly not one who is cooking and organizing and meal planning and prepping from morning till night, the hard work getting done now feels right and good instead of something lowly and needing to be to get on with my real day.
But on days when I really am tired, or I am sick, I simply pace myself. Or take the day off. Watch a few more Youtube videos or just crochet. Home making is not slavery, and I don’t see it that way anymore.
Tidbits of Care Is Changing
The truth is, because I’ve changed, this blog will be changing. I felt as though I couldn’t share anything on this blog because what I offered here wasn’t me anymore, or as central to who I was as it had been. I felt as though I’d be inauthentic or fake and I didn’t want that. The ideas weren’t flowing. Nothing was clicking so I simply chose to be quiet because I didn’t know if I wanted to continue with this blog, and I didn’t know what to share.
To be honest, I’m still not entirely sure how this blog will change. It’s a hobby blog, so I don’t have a lot of time to dedicate to this, even though I really do wish I had more. I am only just beginning to get a sense of how this blog will change and what direction I want to take with it. I hope you’ll join me as I pivot–change is apart of life, and I think I have something more interesting to share with you than what I have shared in the past.
Have you changed in the last few years? Let me know how in the comments below.