Ever since I was a little girl, I have dreamed of being a writer. I love the written word, especially when words are used to paint pictures and bring to life people and places in a way that is vivid and evocative. I used to write a lot when I was younger. I was constantly with paper and pen in hand, dreaming up romances, tales with vampires, fantasy worlds and quests. I finished a lot of stories, some one hundred pages of paper written back and front. Those are all gone now; I wrote them when I was in my teens. I kept writing. I switched to the computer, and there are dozens of unfinished stories on old computer drives.
I haven’t tried to write fiction in several years now. I had began to write creatively again around 2011 and 2012, but then I got a full time teaching job, and I had little time or energy. Especially as my anxiety was beginning to manifest and take a toll on me.
Earlier this year, I was nominated for a blog award by a blogger I consider to be an talented writer and poet. And the award was partially shouting out bloggers who were also writers. I was very honoured to be included in Jaya’s nomination and it got me thinking about my journey as a writer.
A Journey of Starts and Stops
As I said, I used to write all the time when I was younger. But I haven’t really done any writing creatively in several years now. I write for my blog of course, and that brings me a lot of joy as writing has always been very important to me. Whenever I go long periods of time without writing, I start to yearn to write. My dream of being a writer reawakens and forces me to write.
So my writing journey has been full of starts and stops. I wrote fiction as child, then I switched to poetry in my twenties, and then back to fiction in my thirties. I’m now writing non-fiction consistently here on the blog, and yet, it’s always been my dream to write creatively. I have tried my hand again at poetry, and am enjoying that, but today’s post is more about the book I would write, if I were to sit down and write creatively again.
A Book of Poetry
Before I dive in and tell you the answer to that question, I want to also include the fact that I have been working on a small book of poetry on Wattpad. My intention with this little book was to ease myself back into writing creatively and share some of what I wrote with others. It’s been slow going though for several reasons, the main one being self doubt. And because I doubt myself, I don’t sit down to write poetry as much as I should, even though I would really like to. I am trying to overcome that self doubt, but there is a part of me who thinks I am just a dreamer, not a writer. However, this little poetry is not the book I want to tell you about. The book I want to tell you about isn’t one I am writing. It’s one I dream of writing.
I Would Love to Write…
A gothic novel. Possibly a gothic romance, but a gothic novel. Lately, I am more and more in love with Gothic books, and when I think of some of my favourite books like Rebecca, Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, books that I will read again and again, I realize that they are all Gothic novels. Lately I also read a novel called Mexican Gothic, which certainly wasn’t Gothic romance, but certainly was Gothic, and I loved the darkness in this novel.
Upon reflection, it has occurred to me that I have always loved the idea of writing a ghost story of sorts, of a haunted house, with a fiery heroine. Dark heroes have always appealed to me as well. Such a story was never something I dared even begin because I had no idea where to begin. And while the idea does inspire and excite me, I don’t know that I will ever attempt to write such a story.
Today’s post is rather personal, I will admit. But that is the reason I began this blog, to get personal with you. Not just to share tips on how to do this or that. I wanted to share my journey with you, and writing is apart of me and my journey. It is, after all, the medium I chose—a blog, not a vlog. A written testimony about my life and experience with anxiety. Today’s article is sharing an inner piece of myself, the little girl who still dreams to write, but is afraid to do the very thing that would make her burst with pride and joy.
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