Life is hard. We suffer a lot in life. We suffer in various ways throughout our lives, when we lose a loved one, when we struggle with illness or chronic pain. Another way we suffering is with our mental health, and mental health struggles are on the rise. We suffer financially, struggling to find ways to maintain an income that can support our families. We suffer in the workplace with inequity and poor working conditions. We struggle with personal relationships that offer cause suffering as well such as when we divorce from a spouse, or become estranged from a sibling or parent, or even child. Suffering is a part of life. And none of us wants to suffer. We don’t seek out hardship and pain. We are creatures who want love, who are made to love and be loved.
So how do we carry on and endure when there is so much suffering in our lives? That’s our topic for today.
Boundaries
I know many people who say the best way to deal with the demands of the world is to have boundaries. And boundaries are important. We should be able to say “no” firmly and have boundaries respected. This is very important in families and at work. We have boundaries with our children: “no, you cannot throw toys” and having boundaries is an important way to communicate to others that certain requests or expectations is asking you to give too much of yourself in one way or another.
When we give too much of ourselves, a few things begin to happen. We begin to resent having to give. Resentment eventually leads to anger. This is how family relationships can break down. I’ve seen families break down over holiday celebrations when one person is always giving of their hospitality and others never (or rarely) reciprocate.
Giving too much of ourselves also leads to burn out. This is when we keep giving and doing and do not stop often enough to rest and recharge. Eventually our bodies will not allow us to keep going. And what can often happen is either you’ll get ill in some way or you’ll suffer from a mental health collapse. Not having boundaries is negatively affecting our bodies and ability to love.
After all, even Jesus took time to rest. You can find examples of this in the Gospels, in Luke 4:42, Matthew 14:13 to cite only two. And even if you do not believe in God, or Jesus as the son of God, and see these stories as form or allegory or mythology, that this does not negate the fact that the son of God is portrayed as needing rest. If the son of God needed time to rest after he had given so much of himself to others, why should we not need rest after giving of ourselves?
Understanding Daily Tasks to be Love
Boundaries are great in certain circumstances. For instance, it may not be possible for you to host thirty people in your home at Christmas time every year. But there are things we need to do on the daily that simply cannot say no or draw a line at. For instance, meals will always need to be prepared, and the kitchen will always need to be tidied. And believe me, I know this can feel like pure drudgery. It can feel as though you are being taken advantage of, being used. And it might be necessary to set up certain expectations in your household where everyone is responsible for washing their own dishes, or at least placing them in the dishwasher. But in order to continue cheerfully doing these mundane homemaking tasks, we need to have faith.
We need to have faith that these tasks are a pure act of love. Even if they feel unseen and go unthanked. Remind yourself that to build a home that is a place of comfort and security is providing your family, especially your children, with a sanctuary from the world. These mundane tasks, that you repeat over and over are an act of love and serve God–or, if you prefer, a higher purpose. This is how to maintain faith when the homemaking becomes too much. To remember faithfully that doing these things are the everyday ways to show love.
Practice Self Care through Prayer
I also think it’s important to pray. Because you will feel exhausted and fed up with the homemaking. And that’s the perfect time to take a few minutes (or even an afternoon) and rest and pray. I like to read the Bible, especially Proverbs and Romans when I’m feeling down about the every day tasks. It allows me to remember that I am not alone, and I feel closer to God when I am in the Word of God. Prayer is a powerful way to practice self care. Now, I don’t spend hours and hours in prayer. But I will also find other ways to practice self care. I crochet, read, spend time in the garden. All of these things provide me with a sense of peace, and I do believe hobbies and time outdoors is necessary. But I have found in recent months that there is nothing as peace providing as prayer.
I try and practice daily prayer. I find that praying daily keeps me balanced and focused on what is important. It keeps me away from the vices of the world we all fall prey to–doomscrolling, gossiping, criticizing those I love, among other things. Prayer really helps me remain faithful–to God, to my family, to my convictions.
Final Thoughts
I hope I have given you some food for thought. In lives that are filled with suffering, it is possible to have peace and joy when we give of ourselves and love others. Having faith in both God and in the truth that what we do deeply matters and is defining our children and their futures allows the every day tasks of homemaking (or going into a job you find stressful) to be less burdensome. And when we have healthy boundaries, take time to rest and pray and practice self care, we can stay connected to our faith. Because it’s all too easy to give in to exhaustion and the voices in our mind that say that what we do is unimportant and drudgery.
Share your thoughts in the comments below!