October has been a hard month. And it’s caused me to really wish that I hadn’t returned to work full time, and that I was able to remain at home at least part of the time. It’s caused me to doubt myself; to doubt my effectiveness in my role as a mother and homemaker. I feel that I spend too many hours outside of the home and that the hours I am in the home are spend trying to catch up on things like laundry rather than spending time with my family or on true homemaking–the parts of it that don’t involve cleaning.
I enjoy beautifying the home, finding new ways to stay organized and make the home functional. I have some projects in my head that I never seem to be able to get around to. And feeling doubtful and tired has made me stop and reflect on what is intentional homemaking and why it’s so important.
Intentional Homemaking Isn’t Housekeeping
I think a lot of people would say that they are full work employees or careerists and full time homemakers. I have heard people to describe going home as the “second shift” because they go home to cook, clean and mind children. However, I do think that housekeeping–keeping the home cleanly, preparing meals and such–is not homemaking. At least, not quite.
Intentional homemaking is more about deciding what matters to you and letting go of what doesn’t. Too often we see curated feeds with perfect looking homes. Sofas and coffee tables beautifully styled. Not a thing out of place. No mess or toys or overfilled baskets. And while this looks wonderful for Instagram and is even inspiring in its way, it’s not what homemaking is all about.
Intentional homemaking is about making a home that is comfortable and functional for you and your family. That could mean having a basket of toys in each room for your children (mine is overflowing) or it might mean having an exercise bike in your bedroom. These things might glare, but there is an intention behind them and they make your home a home.
Intentional homemaking is about how the home looks, yes, but also about it feels and sounds and smells and works. Baskets of toys in every room works for our family. Our son is an only child, so he always wants to be where we are. It therefore makes sense he has a small basket of toys in each room to avoid messes and to let him enjoy our company and play at the same time. Those baskets make our home a home for our son, and the sound of him playing and having fun is one I will always treasure and likely miss in the years to come. I’ve let go of the idea that everything should look a certain way or be constantly tidy.
Does this sometimes make me look like a poor housekeeper? Maybe. But knowing that my son is happy and comfortable in his surroundings is far more important to me than having the cushions sit just so on the sofa, or having a spotless kitchen. I love a spotless kitchen, but more often than not our island is piled with toys and craft projects and other stuff. But it’s a part of our home that we utilize for multiple purposes and so is always more cluttered than I would like. But it works for now.
Intentional Homemaking is About Family
If you haven’t realized it yet, what I am saying is that intentional homemaking is about family. It keeps family at the centre of the home and the homemaking. Not the home. Not the stylized look. Not how organized or tidy the home is. The house is a building. The home is your family. And the rooms and spaces that house you should ones you love to be in–you should like the colour on the walls and the other items you see and use daily–because of the way they make you feel and the people in them.
I therefore try and make each space one that all of us can enjoy and relax in. Our living room is our gathering space for more quiet time. My husband and I enjoy tea and long talks in there. My son plays while we chat–and draws us into his play too.
Our family room is one where we enjoy some television and more play. My son has lots of toys there, and it’s also my office space. We play and work in this room. I crochet and relax in this room. We have a lot of fun and the room is messier, but we also live in this room a lot. It’s our family room for a reason.
Our dining room doesn’t have a basket of toys as my husband and I are trying to create a sense of family at meal times. We want to enjoy family meals together and are creating family traditions around meals–like saying grace before we eat supper. We try and engage in family dialogue and make meal times homey.
Each space has a function and in each space, I have tried to create ways to put our family at the centre of those spaces. How tidy and stylized the room is doesn’t matter as much as our family.
It Matters
Family matters. I think we can all agree on that. So intentional homemaking matters. How we feel in our homes matters. While mess and clutter creates stress in those individuals living in messy and cluttered homes, homes that are not cared for, having a home where you are not allowed to have a little clutter here and there, or toys in certain rooms, or unmade beds doesn’t make a home one where people are comfortable. Instead, you are always focused on the look and tidiness of the home instead of the people in the home.
The things you do in the home with your family matter. An outdoor picnic creates a family memory, or maybe even a family tradition. Letting your child make a certain corner or part of a room their own matters too. I’ll never forget how when I was eight years old, my mom let me having a little writing in her upstairs kitchen. I was allowed to keep a tray of pencils and colours and write my newsletters at the kitchen table with the understanding that I would tidy up. That meant everything to me.
Making your home one that smells and feels cozy isn’t just about lighting candles or having cinnamon sticks brewing on your stove. It’s about doing things that create a sense of love and comfort. And that involves letting go of our perfect ideal and embracing instead the heart of the family: those who dwell in that home.
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