Family is important. They are the ones who are there in every season of life, for happy times and sad times, the people who care for you when you are ill or help you out with things like moving homes, child minding, even things like loans. But often, we don’t spend a lot of quality time with our families. We all want to spend time with our families, but is the time we spend our family strengthening and deepening bonds?
I have often wondered how to really spend time with my family that is truly meaningful. And today, I have some ideas about how to prioritize family time that will help strengthen bonds and be really meaningful to your relationships with loved ones.
Game Night
I know this is likely a suggestion you’ve heard before, but have a family game night. It could be board games or cards or even games like charades. I think this is great when you have kids because it gets them off screens and engaged in something fun that builds skills–like turn taking and good sportsmanship. It’s a great way to get to know your kids better as you’ll see them engaged in play and be engaged in play with them. Too often kids are playing around us and not with us. And I don’t think playing vroom vroom with your tot is truly being engaged in play in the same way.
Have Family Meals
I bet some of you are rolling your eyes at this, but seriously, I think many of us think we are having a family meal when really, we are just eating together. Family meals are more than just everyone eating at the table. It should be a time to share stories, laugh and enjoy each other’s company. But often it’s a time of complaint and annoyance as parents struggle to get kids to eat, devices are used to distract and entertain and petty disputes break out.
Meal times should be screen free, and as stress free as possible. Ask your children open ended questions about their day to engage them in conversation. Questions like, “what was something you learned at school today?” or “tell me something funny/challenging that you experienced today?” are more likely to result in real conversation than questions such as “how was school today?” or “did you finish your math homework?” You can also share some of your own frustrations and anecdotes about your day as well.
Family Prayer
Another thing that can draw family closer together is family prayer time. You can set aside a time to say prayers together or read the Bible. This could be something you do every day, or even once a week. If faith is something that is important to you, living the faith, talking about the values and teachings, having books about your faith, and taking that time to pray and give thanks together can really help bring faith into the lives of your children in a meaningful way and draw you closer together. Be sure to not just go through the motions but to include the children in the prayers and readings and get their insights as well.
Establish Traditions
Family traditions are important. They are the shared experiences of a single unit, your family. These are the things you look back to when you are an adult that help you establish your values and also, recall with fondness. Often traditions are around holidays–Christmas, Easter, even long weekends like the Civic holiday in August here in Canada, or the fourth of July in the Untied States. What did you do on these holidays as a child? How does that shape what you do now in your life as an adult?
Sometimes we can carry forward the traditions that we ourselves grew up with in our new family unit with our own children. But sometimes, that’s difficult and new traditions need to be established. Or even started. And traditions aren’t just things we do on holidays–they can be things we do every day, like never leaving the house without saying good-bye. Traditions evolve and change and you can introduce totally new ones. But having these traditions creates times and practices that are meaningful and lasting in both your life, and the lives of your children.
Final Thoughts
I often worry about the way we live our lives in this hustle bustle culture. We are always going. And often, that strips us away from really spending meaningful time with ourselves and our family. I wonder if chauffeuring your kids to soccer and baseball and other activities is really good for families. Parents are exhausted. Kids sometimes are too, though I know often they want to be involved in these activities and have a lot of fun. But meal times are rushed and I wonder, when do you get quality time to connect with your kids? Or for them to connect with you? Of course it’s great that mom and dad take all that time to have kids participate in these activities, but I sometimes worry that it might be a little too much for everyone, at the cost of us really connecting with each other.
Spending time with your family should be something we prioritize and it should be something we consciously engage in. Being really interested in your child’s day and their worries and struggles without hovering or problem solving for them shows them you support and love them and that they can bring their troubles to you. But too often we are too busy with our phones or hustling our kids here and there to connect with that on that intimate level. Sometimes I think we need to step back and re-assess what are doing with our families and what we can do to really depend bonds for the present and the future.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about today’s posts! Please drop them in the comments below.