I have to be honest…there is a part of me that feels as though I’m not really a homemaker. Now, of course there is no one way or a right way to be a homemaker. It’s going to be different for every home and family, and for different seasons of life. But there is a reason I ask myself this question, and that is because I also work outside of the home.
Of course, generations of women have worked outside of the home and done all the cleaning and cooking and childrearing. In fact, in today’s society, many women who work outside of the home scoff at the idea of staying home to take care of the home and family. They say, “well, I work and I do all of that too.” And there is some truth in this. Women who work full time jobs do come home and do laundry, get the family fed, clean the home, pay the bills and get the kids to school and activities. And that’s fine, but I ask myself the question: what is their priority? Is it the home and family? Or is it work?
I don’t say this to be critical, but I personally feel because it’s been my experience working part time and homemaking the rest of the time, that when you have two jobs, and homemaking is a job, you are divided between your work and your home. And the home ends up being the work that takes a back seat because the full time job takes up so much of your day. A full time job requires us to be at work eight hours a day, plus the time it take to commute. So how much time are we spending in the home? Are we really preparing meals for our family? Or are we picking up ready made meals, tossing a frozen pizza into the oven and calling it a night? There is nothing wrong with doing that, your family is being fed, but my question is, are we really homemaking if that is the case?
The same is true when it comes to caring for the home. Keeping a home clean and organized is a ton of work. How do you do that when you’ve put in a full day already at your 9-5? Do you come home and clean one room? Do you do a load of laundry? Do you save all that cleaning for the weekend? Or do you have a cleaning lady come in and do a lot of the deep cleaning so that you can keep up? I am not judging anyone who has someone come in to help with cleaning your home because I get it. We are tired. We are overwhelmed. We feel at the end of our rope sometimes and having that help improves your work/life balance. But are we really homemakers then? This is the question and thought process that is haunting me right now.
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I’m Afraid I Can’t Do it All
To be quite honest, right now homemaking and working part time is a good gig for me. I have a just enough hours at work and home for it to be balanced. After all, I’m not the homemaker that makes her own bread. I do cook meals from scratch and try and use good ingredients that come from the earth and not a food factory. But can I continue to do that when I’m working five days a week again? That’s several months away still, but that day is becoming closer and closer now and I’m struggling with how I will be a homemaker and a full time teacher. Because there are certain things I want to do and be as a homemaker. I want to:
- prepare more food from scratch, like my own salad dressings
- consistently declutter closets and storage spaces
- spend time playing with my son
- teaching my son to read
- grow herbs
- keep the home clean and welcoming
And this doesn’t sound like a lot…but it is when you are time poor and tired. But from my point of view, these things really matter. And I’m afraid that all the energy I put into work (I am the teacher librarian and ELL teacher as well as the kindergarten support teacher) will drain me so much that by the time I get home, I will so sapped that I can’t do these things because I’ll have to prioritize rest over homemaking and that is really eating at me as I get closer and closer to the day I return to this job full time.
I Need a Plan
I have been giving this worry a lot of thought. And it’s easy to say that I need a plan and then do some problem solving and try to put into action. But we all know that our plans often don’t work out the way we want because life is messy. We’ll get sick and fall behind or something else will happen, like an unexpected business trip or family illness or a change in hours at work or school. So plans are good, and I am going to try and have a plan but I am also going to pray. Because here is the thing: it’s good to have a plan, but since we know that plan might end up not working out, it’s good practice not to rely on that plan. Instead of worrying, I am going to choose not to worry, to not be afraid and just have faith and pray. That is what Jesus taught us, and I’m going to give this all up to God and trust in him. God’s plan is going to be way better than any plan of mine, so I will trust in His plan for this season of my life.
Now, if you are Christian you understand exactly what I am saying. If not, this might seem mysterious or maybe absurd. But worry doesn’t provide us with anything. So it’s best not to worry and just trust that everything will work out. All worry does is fill us with anxiety, and we don’t need that taking up space in our heads and in our souls.
I want to be a homemaker. And somehow or another, I am going to be a homemaker with God’s help. It might be a balancing act. It might be a struggle. In fact, it will be a struggle. But I think the rewards will be great so I’m willing to do the work, even though I don’t know yet what the work will be or how burdensome that work will be. So the the question, am I really a homemaker? The answer is, yes.
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